'I believe men are our greatest threat. And yet I love and believe in men.'
Gina Martin has become a vital voice in the fight for gender equality. Exposing tragic and far-too-familiar stories of male violence and misogyny. But that work has led to death threats from men.
Does it change the way she looks at her husband or father? And how come women are expected to keep the peace with those they fear most?
In this searing A6 book, the bestselling author dissects the hate/love paradox faced by all women, every day. She writes with passion about patriarchy, protection versus oppression, righteous anger, and the need for allies... now.
To Hate and Love Men is raw, unflinching, incisive - a manifesto for navigating formidable feelings in ways that benefit us all.
Words on THALM
"I have struggled to hold my righteous anger and my love and belief in men at the same time, feeling like I have to 'pick a side'. Between my commitment to community and wanting to show up for people alongside messaging I've been served on socials about hyper-independence and rejecting men in feminism I've felt torn. I wanted a space to explore that, without offering answers. Because I recognise that tension in my female friends too.
"This book is a look at the tension that all women hold – whether they are card-carrying feminists or not – of loving men and believing in them and also struggling with them and what they have built. I explore some of the dichotomies we have been socialised into, such as the idea of men being our protector whilst they are our biggest threat, and this hope of allyship whilst being faced with the fact that men are a barrier to equality. It's a book that says 'this is messy, this is hard, there is no right way to hold this. But can we just recognise we're holding it for a second?'.
"With trolls, I probably deal with them entirely like other people do; not well. I struggle constantly with the inaction I see around me and yet the love and belief I have in change being possible. And yes indeed, I have been targeted and I refuse to project some false perception of resilience about that.
"I shouldn't have to be resilient in the face of abuse or stalking or harassment or death threats. I sometimes wonder when we say resilient women, we are actually just saying 'isn't it incredible how much crap this woman can put up with?'. I don't want to be that. I deal with this tension and abuse and impact of misogyny by going to therapy, talking about it with loved ones, placing boundaries carefully, prioritising my safety and writing about it so I feel less alone.
"I hope people can receive this book in the spirit it's intended; as a recognition of the complexity of being a woman in the world. And I guess I would ask people to support independent and unconventional storytelling, booksellers and publishers because we are living in a time where books are being banned. Storytelling is a form of resistance and this industry is changing."
Q&A
What is your favourite book?
All About Love by bell hooks. It helped me reimagine love as a verb, a doing word. As something that needs practical application to work, and I completely changed how I viewed love by reading it. Now I see love as a political act and it completely informs how I show up in my work, in community, with my loved ones and with myself.
What is your favourite quote?
How do we hold people accountable for wrongdoing and yet at the same time remain in touch with their humanity enough to believe in their capacity to be transformed?
- bell hooks
What's your favourite word?
Panna Cotta. Never even had one just love the way it sounds.
